I have always been the one my friends come to when they are having relationship troubles with their boyfriends. I try to be as honest and unbiased as possible– even when I know I may have to tell them something they probably won’t want to hear. Now, let me preface this by saying– I am nowhere near perfect and have boy problems of my own, however, I consider it a beautiful thing that my friend’s value my opinion and trust me with their stories. Over the years, I’ve sat and listened for hours on end about how “my boyfriend is so insensitive” or “he never gives me the attention I need” or my own personal favorite, “he’s so clingy… why can’t he just give me my own space!!!” Now, I don’t know if it’s a woman thing or if men complain about their significant other like this as well; however, one thing is for sure… we are such egotistical brats. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but ladies it is time we address this big elephant in the room. I know men are FAR from perfect, but sometimes we miss the bigger picture because we are too full of offense and can only see things from our own vantage point.
Not too long ago I started reading the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and learned that everyone had their own unique ways of expressing and receiving love. I could not believe how practical this read was and couldn’t wait to share what I learned with my girls! Chapman teaches that in order for people to have fulfilling and satisfying relationships, they would need to understand their own love languages and that of their partners. We are so busy loving our boyfriends and husbands the exact way we want to be loved instead of understanding their own preferences and needs– and then wonder why we always end up disappointed and hurt. Ladies let’s dive into this topic a little deeper.
Here are the following Love Languages, according to Chapman:
Acts of Service
An individual with this love language feels cared for when their significant other goes out of their way to do something kind or sacrificial for them. This can be something as simple as your love helping out with chores around the house, him filling up your tank of gas without you having to ask, or him maybe even cooking a home cooked meal for you once in a while. These small acts of kindness express thoughtfulness and consideration from your partner and makes any woman with this love language feel special and loved.
This love language is all about showing affection for your partner in the most obvious, tangible ways. A simple hug, a holding of the hand, or a kiss on the forehead can make a woman with this love language feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Physical touch is all about feeling close to your partner both intimately and physically. It promotes healing and vulnerability and allows for you and your partner to feel seen and protected by one another. It goes far beyond just sex and can really show your partner how important you are to them.
This love language is all about intentionality. It is the beauty of choosing your partner over all the other distractions this world can tempt you with. Someone with this love language needs to feel that their partner wants to be around them in order to feel loved. They need to spend private, intimate time with their love in order to feel close and valued. Whether the two of you are going on weekly date nights or just at home laying on the sofa catching up on the latest tv series… as long as the both of you are together and enjoying one another’s company, this person will be happily satisfied
According to Chapman, people with this love language live on the basis that actions speak louder than words. They thrive on the thoughtfulness behind the gift giving more so than the actual gift itself. They recognize the effort their partner put in to go out of their way in order to get them something they will like. This doesn’t have to be anything expensive or grandiose either. In fact, more often than not, a bouquet of flowers, a homemade love letter, or a gift card to their favorite clothing store is enough to express how much their love cares for them.
Words of Affirmation
If you are someone with this love language then you long for the affirmation and acceptance from the person you love. This should not be confused with co-dependency or a poor self-worth. It simply means that you feel your partner’s affection when they tell you exactly how they are feeling. You not only want to be shown how much your partner cares for you, but you also want them to pour their heart out to you and tell you how they truly feel. It means the world to this person when their significant other expresses that they are the only girl in the world for them, and they never want to lose you.
After reading through Chapman’s Five Love Languages, have you figured out yet which one(s) you relate to the most? You might resonate with just one or you may have a couple! Go ahead and take this Love Language quiz to find out your love language and then share in the comment section below what you get!